Tuesday, September 27, 2011

BREAKDOWN: Road To Flavor Fest Freestyle
9:56 AM

BREAKDOWN: Road To Flavor Fest Freestyle

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yeah...dreams money can't purchase
your billions can't touch the surface
immersed in
me & my characteristics playing inertia
they ask if i'll last, i tell em look at the first one

Money doesn't equal to what this is all for. Inertia is resistance...I'm trying to resist who I am & become what I'm supposed to be. The first one = God

...so don't raise your drinks to wicked me
...i was victor ortiz to my enemies
i was a victim or a tease to these mini mes
mad they was stealing the feelings God was given me

I get praise for my music that I really don't deserve. All the while, I was "Victor Ortiz", meaning I was trying to appease what I should've been attacking. I've come across people who like to bite/steal/manipulate. Whenever you get robbed, you're considered to be a victim.

see...i was suffering from anxiety
shaking in my bed, begging the devil to lie to me
couldn't be convinced God needed me, in spite of me
& so i stood idoly
with a fire that dried the sea
...Christ decided to ignite my insight
& honor me w/ harsh realities of what's inside of me
....now what?
felt a loud rush
regulators, mount up

stress lead me to have my 1st anxiety attack last month. sometimes you get desperate enough to entertain temptation from the devil. God chooses you in eternity, not in time...there's nothing you can do to qualify or disqualify yourself from His promises EXCEPT qualify & disqualify yourself (in spite of me). "Fire that dried the sea"...the fire i had for God turned into a fire to please myself. The sea represents Christ (living water)...so i became more concerned with me than the work. I began to seek God & he showed me a lot of characteristics i had that were wrong with me. Once He reveals those things, then what do you do? "Regulators, mount up"...tribute to the Warren G classic

the more i started rapping, the bigger was the picture
the flow & these syllables i was spittin wasn't sick enough
...matter fact i was sick of my position
phil in groundhog day, was difficult to get up
until i realized i was spitting for my spirit
feeding my lil ego, difficult to admit it
& so i played God, you could feel it in my lyrics
til i confronted me w/ these invisible gorillas
...what up wit, what up dre
it's all love, that's enough to say

The more music I released, the larger my "territory" became. But I was challenging myself to rap better instead of developing my relationship with God. But it wasn't fufilling me. Sure, I was getting accolades for being a rapper, but the more rapping I did, the more I realized how insignificant it was in the grand scheme of things. I became Phil in the movie Groundhog Day, every morning when that alarm clock went off, it was harder & harder to get out of bed. "Til I confronted me with these Invisible Gorillas"...getting cool w/ Wit & Dre Murray has challenged me & in a sense beat my ego up. Issues that God revealed to me a few bars back, they helped identify & subdue.

im a silly dude, trapped in these frilly moods
traded in claire huxtable for nikki tru
...cuz when i go to these clubs & perform
i'm the man on the mic, but a stranger in my home
it's strange that i'm alone, it's funny who i run into
cuz i coulda took shorty home if i wanted to
coulda took her home for the okey doke
...she's rich...so i'ma go for broke
she activated the thirst, i'ma row the boat
she asked me if i was single & i told her no

I definitely perform at more clubs than churches (which I like). I end up going & leaving by myself. The fact that I'm single, I have the option of essentially doing whatever I want & not being accountable to anybody, because again, no one goes with me. Nikki Tru was Kerry Washington's character in "I Think I Love My Wife", she's also a double entendre for my insecurities.

cuz the only one i wanna give my all
whenever i get tempted, she's the 1st one i call
but cuz i did her wrong
i feel like i gotta tell her everytime i choose her
but then i think i'm flaunting it

No comment...

...so appaled....no kanye, jay or wild church
no outbursts
...no dissing my brothers & sisters
& when they call me out, i play victim & sound hurt

I see this a lot lately...people talk bad about other people, but when they're called out on it, they're met with excuses. No the Kanye/Jay reference is not a diss.

they try to tell me that i rap in my prime
so i'ma hand em my pride
sweep up the damage inside
all these hannibals & cannibals that stand to my side
i tell em fly, peacock until you land in my life
im hype

Everytime someone tells me I'm dope, I HAVE to "hand God my pride". Hip-hop is rooted in pride, so I believe that every MC has dealt with or is dealing with pride at some point of their career. That pride creates the "damage inside" that handing it off to God "sweeps up". The "hannibals & cannibals" are a reference to the "mini-me's" from earlier. "Fly, peacock" is a reference to The Other Guys. "Land in my life" means, although you try to imitate, my life is tailor made to fit me & me alone. No one else can live your life but you. Your life should be dope enough to where you don't have to rely on anyone else's to give you fufillment.


Anonymous said...

Commentary on Ecclesiastes 7:11-22
Matthew Henry

Wisdom is as good as an inheritance, yea better. It shelters from the storms and scorching heat of trouble. Wealth will not lengthen out the natural life; but true wisdom will give spiritual life, and strengthen men for services under their sufferings. Let us look upon the disposal of our condition as the work of God, and at last all will appear to have been for the best. In acts of righteousness, be not carried into heats or passions, no, not by a zeal for God. Be not conceited of thine own abilities; nor find fault with every thing, nor busy thyself in other men's matters. Many who will not be wrought upon by the fear of God, and the dread of hell, will avoid sins which ruin their health and estate, and expose to public justice. But those that truly fear God, have but one end to serve, therefore act steadily. If we say we have not sinned, we deceive ourselves. Every true believer is ready to say, God be merciful to me a sinner. Forget not at the same time, that personal righteousness, walking in newness of life, is the only real evidence of an interest by faith in the righteousness of the Redeemer. Wisdom teaches us not to be quick in resenting affronts. Be not desirous to know what people say; if they speak well of thee, it will feed thy pride, if ill, it will stir up thy passion. See that thou approve thyself to God and thine own conscience, and then heed not what men say of thee; it is easier to pass by twenty affronts than to avenge one. When any harm is done to us, examine whether we have not done as bad to others.

*smiles and hugs*