Monday, July 7, 2008

The Fast
11:14 AM

The Fast

I really hope & pray I don't go over anybody's head with this blog.  I've been going over it in my mind, but the Bible says not to worry about what you'll say because the Holy Spirit will give you the words in the hour which you need them, so here goes…

Father's Day, that weekend should've been a happy & ceremonious time for me.  I was celebrating the fact that God blessed me with a beautiful little girl, and on the same day my wife & I had our first anniversary.  Six months ago we said I do, instead of waiting until a year, we went ahead & did one 6 months in.  Around this time we should still be in the "honeymoon phase", being all cute & in love.  Nah son (only sometimes :-D ).  We definitely hit the ground running as far as finding our identities as husband & wife, and in Christ.  And even up until that point, we didn't have the grasp we should have had.  So doorways (things that you do that are outside of God's Will allow doorways to open & allow demons & spirits to attack you) were open & my family was spiritually attacked that entire weekend.  We fussed & argued constantly, and by Sunday it had hit a boiling point.  BUT, I thank God He let it get to that point, cuz the following week was the most enlightening, difficult, yet amazing week of my life (aside from the 1st week I spent with my baby)

Your relationship with God is give and take.  We tend to only pray when we need something, or when tragedy & strife strikes.  But if you desire that everyday comfort, that true walk with Christ, I believe that you have to prove yourself to Him, in a sense.  I bet throughout the day He hears a whole lot of "I'm ready Lord", only to place it on the backburner 2 days later.  So to show him we were serious, we fasted.  Now as skinny as I am, I didn't fast from food (which is usually the traditional thing you fast from).  We fasted from pretty much connectivity.  No phone, no email at work, no browsing the internet at work, no computer at home, no studio, no TV & no ipod unless it was something Christian based.  So as a result, I missed Boston win the NBA title (not that I cared) among a few other programs I normally watch.

Among other things, I began reading some newsletters from Rebecca Brown, who is THEE dopest Christian writer I've read.  Her words are simple & easy to follow, and she deals with end time stuff, as well as spiritual warfare (2 areas all Christians need to be well versed in).  She had a newsletter that dealt with spiritually cleansing your house. <- Read it here
She basically said that you may have things around your house that are unclean & demonic spirits can attach themselves to them & infect your house.  I suddenly had the urge to go downstairs.  We have a basement, which is my studio/sanctuary.  I read there, I record there, and all of my stuff is here…including my thousands of CDs, old letters, pictures & God knows what else I've accumulated over the years.  So I threw it out…all of it.  Pretty much every hip-hop CD, most R&B CDs & anything else I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me needed to go.  I went through my computer & deleted videos, DVDs, music, & a lot of other things.  I went upstairs & threw away the majority of my DVDs that had sex & violence on them (without a clear cut positive message involved), and I threw away all my video games INCLUDING Grand Theft Auto 4 (which I still hadn't beat, that hurt to let go).  We then got the oil, oiled the house up & prayed all the spirits out the house (read the newsletter if you don't know why).  My wife was standing by the door praying while I oiled & she said she could feel wind passing her by, which obviously meant the spirits were leaving cuz it was a clear quiet night outside.

So by now you maybe asking, why give up all of that music??  Why didn't you sell it instead??  You could've made thousands!!!  But the Bible says what profit does a man inherit to gain the world & lose his soul?  Yeah I could've made a quick buck off that stuff (and the Lord knows I needed it), but I'd be passing those unclean things to another person & then they'd have to deal with the same things I did.  Why would I give up all of that music??  I'll give you a natural reason & a spiritual reason.

Natural: Flat out, I'm tired of hip-hop.  I'm tired of the message, I'm tired of the lack of creativity, I'm tired of these diva-like dudes that are worshipped (re: Do The Homie!!!!  Tell me half of these rappers ain't on some Gangstalicious tip), I'm just tired of it.  Even my favorite rappers don't do it for me.  Talented dudes, no doubt.  But their music just doesn't touch my soul like it once did.  I related to them more during my Ventilation period & now that I'm out of that season, it just doesn't hit me the same.  How many times can you rap about life being messed up??  I dedicated an entire CD to it, storm passed & now I'm good.  I've made a couple of "mad at the world" songs recently & they don't even sound right.  I'm 23 with a house, career, budding business, beautiful family, no drama whatsoever…what can I be mad about??  The ONLY rapper I'll give some type of credit to is Andre 3000, Royal Flush is amazing.  We ran that back & let it play a few times & got something new from it each time.  THAT'S what I need, creativity.  And hip-hop for the most part has none, period…

Spiritual: I ended up turning into a girl, I promise.  I was only listening to it for the beats.  If you know me, I'll play an instrumental album in a minute.  The majority of my iPod was filled with beat CDs.  I had thousands upon thousands of beats.  So I figured hey, I'd drown out this wack rapper & just bang the beat.  But I always heard that the words would seep into your mind, and I never believed it…until I'd get into an argument & I'd cuss.  Or if something happened & I would say a smart/vulgar remark in my head.  Any negative emotions that would rise up, low & behold, hip-hop had a song for that.  As prideful as hip-hop is, it became a part of my everyday life.  It became hard to humble myself before God & my wife.  Instead of denying my flesh, it seemed like I'd relished in it.  You have to be very careful what you let inside of your ears, cuz even if you don't think what these rappers say affects you, it does & you're in denial.  And this is coming from a GINORMOUS hip-hop fan.  Trust me; y'all know…I love hip-hop to the core, still do.  I'm just tired of it & I refuse to let it or anything else Satan likes to use out in the world for the destruction of myself & those around me.

The Aftermath: God is so good.  I read nearly 3 books of the Bible in a week, I started working out again (perfect pushup is a BEAST SON!!), no longer was I a slave to Comcast (seriously, why am I watching Dr. Phil, Trading Spouses & Split Ends??  Hilariously DUMB shows that didn't even entertain me).  The fast taught me balance, it taught me dedication, and it taught me perseverance.  God showed me some things about myself & revealed some things to me that were to come & some things that I needed to change in order to develop my relationship with Him.  It also gave me time to just be married, which I definitely needed more time to be.  And it brought me to that next level in Christ where I was dying to be at.  So what does this hold for my music??  Tune in next week!!!  *flies away in chair like Dr Claw*
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Anonymous said...

I feel that, I took some time today and really gave the bible a good read today to give me a little more guidance on what I should be doin with my life and it's pushing me away from some old friends, singers I used to work, and even the girls I was messing around with. I'm looking for something more fulfilling in my life and in so many ways I wasn't getting what I needed. No I see I truly have all that I really need. And you're the Gangstalicous persona applies to any rapper with a hit album now and seems to have the talented rappers ie Common and Talib subconsciously dumbing down their music. I want to be apart of the resurrection of music with some substance. That's why I didn't send my tracks to 50. I was certain these particular tracks he would've loved and bought hence got on. But I knew in my heart I wouldn't be music I could be proud so I decided to save that for somebody that was gonna deliver a message of some sort. I'm glad I made that decision tho because I didn't include making music as one of my lifes regrets. Well in the end all of what has happened in the past two years has made some great music with plenty to come. The future looks bright for the God fearing artists so I already know we the future.