Love. Honesty. Mistakes. Redemption.
Change. Challenges. Adjustments.
Freedom.
Never living with my eyes closed. This Is Kairos.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Chevy Impala Music is a favorite freestyle of mine for a few reasons. #1 I was going through a really dark period in 2010 where circumstances piled up one after the other. I made a few mistakes & as a result, me being me, I pulled away. But often times, when people tell me "you need someone to talk to", the music I create is the equivalent to me sitting in the chair telling a shrink about trauamatic events in my life starting at the age of 6. Unfortunately, either people don't listen, or I don't make my issue clear enough (I think it's both) & here we are. Songs like "Illuminati" & "Just Begun" reflect that super dark period of my life.
Usually during those times I purposely stay away from writing, because when I get out of a funk & I hear what I wrote while I was in it, I get mad that I was mad (if that makes sense). I don't remember exactly what I was doing when I got the Maybach Music 3 instrumental, I just remember that whatever I write first after not touching a pen (or Blackberry) for months at a time, is usually the equivalent to a suppository...and it all came out (sorry for the graphic image).
Which is why I rhyme for the entire beat.
Hannah Montanima, eatin a bananima & too cool for school were subliminal shoutouts to a friend I was watching the classic viral video "Shawt Bus Shawty" with...and too cool for school is an inside joke.
Small as a giant, large as my ambitions
in 2010, Big Krit's "Krit Wuz Here" was my soundtrack, and "Small As A Giant" was like my theme song, it had become my mantra.
In '05, traded God's truth for man's fiction Witness the transition, from a young boy, used to rock shades in the club cuz I lacked vision
Double entendre. "used to rock shades in the club cuz I lacked vision". I stopped going to clubs even before I "got saved". Basically I knew I didn't belong there. Before that revelation, I was in the club, never smoked or drank, would dance a lil bit. I was there virtually every week & had no clue why. I "lacked vision"...spiritually. Work, McDonalds, music, sex, the club. My life was going nowhere. Also, you see dudes in the club wearing shades & you can tell they can't see anything. They lack vision too...literally.
Now I see clear...Adam Copeland
Adam Copeland is the real name of a wrestler...Edge. The lyrics to his theme song say "on this day, I see clearly".
Said she seen it in my walk, I'm glad you noticed
Another double entendre. When a woman notices a man, the 1st thing she sees is his confidence. It's in his walk. Also, you should see my life & dedication to Christ through my "walk"...my actions.
Now I'm back focused, what up Tamika Remember Wal-Mart & the eye doctor was tryna greet ya Then I went out of town & decided we should be apart We got in an argument & you lied, said you keyed my car I should've had you cut, that's the old me ...But to this day, that's the homie
That entire story is true. There's not really much to explain, I had just bought my Impala & I went out of town. After I broke up with her (because the girl I was talking about in "Forgive Me"(Invited shorty over, told her we would have a Bible study...) was getting suspicious...I eventually got exposed anyway...(Luke 12:3) So she knew the only way she could hurt me was by touching my car. She was lying, and we ended up speaking again like a year later & been cool ever since...which is why I say...
Now don't ask why I remember Getting better but I still am a beginner at forgiveness Rather burn for the Truth, than go to hell for an opinion
Nothing grieves me more than when I have discussions with people about their faith & the reasons they give me for not serving Christ are all opinion based. They either bring up the Old Testament, read parables literally, or the "People at church do this" shtick, which is usually the normal response, but those people aren't accountable to you. You're accountable to you. I ain't going to hell cuz of somebody else, lol
Doc's engaged, Shave & his wife's expecting & I can't see my son, look at life's lessons Not bitter, I've learned to enjoy the ride Seat back, dose off & be glad I ain't gotta drive
A faith parable...also I used issues with my son to say "your world doesn't stop because something happens to you". The work still needs to be finished, and that's not to say don't ignore it, but don't let problems consume you & render you useless either.
Praise Christ, my knees to the floor Tear down walls, dropkick my feet through the door
I was probably listening to Francis & The Lights that day, hence the Knees To The Floor mention, & the dropkick is a parable for breaking down walls & barriers. And another ode to wrestling.
What up Keyl? What up Stephanie? Seen me at my worse, so I make sure you get the best of me Pray the day I'm able to repay the time you vest in me Still riding with me though I'm wide on the turning lanes Y'all remind me that I'm too much of a nerd to change Back when Rich had me surfing waves I kept it real...fake for long, I deserve the change
Keyl & Stephanie are two people who are very close to me that keep me in check. When I start smelling myself they remind me I'm just as average as the rest of the world. "Wide on the turning lanes" is a metaphor for mistakes. "had me surfing waves"...Rich Tunes will have you believe that my waves in Japan were so crisp because of his barber stylings. When actually it was dedication & hard work on my own (HA!!!), "I keep it real fake for y'all, I deserve the change"...I'll have to introduce you guys to epideMIC (my previous rap monkier), he was the definition of fake. I kept of that fake facade so long, I deserve something real
You deserve the same I'm Penny in Orlando, deserve a ring No works of my own, I ain't earn a thing Now I'm more concerned than ever with who sits in office (Why?) My daughter finna start kindergarten I'm tryna master the matrix Y'all debating which of these rappers is masons Which one sold their soul to the devil When most of y'all ain't living for God anyway Me? I'm a renegade. Tried as a rebel & convicted, put to death to serve a sentence of a zillion days
What we represent is seen as a true minority in our society. & me being committed to doing this "for the long haul" is being "convicted, put to death to serve a sentence of a zillion days"
King of my castle, gold is what I pave the roads with A sucker for a woman with some heels & her toes did I suppose its the reason why I need the Rock Put the q-tip to my ears before I breathe & stop
Yeah, I'm a king, I know full well of the living God's power that dwells within me...but at the end of the day, I'm human. And "a sucker for a woman with some heels w/ her toes did"...that statement brings me right back down to life. "I suppose it's the reason why I need the Rock"...for no other reason except I'm human, I need the Rock. I need to cling as close to Christ as possible so I don't fall victim to that.
To make sure you feeling what you hearing Adhere to the spirit, the appearance is a mirror To what's really in the center A city full of pretenders
"Put the q-tip to my ears before I breathe & stop"...obviously a Tribe Called Quest reference, but it also means, if you remove my music from my life, I still gotta make sure you're "feeling" what you're "hearing"...I gotta live out & effectively penetrate the public with more than just beats & rhymes. Music is not the end all be all, it's just an avenue. "Adhere"...or stay close to the spirit, "the appearance is a mirror to what's really in the center, a city full of pretenders". People are fake, & will use any avenue possible to acheive their own goals & desires. But staying close to the Holy Spirit will give you discernment...the ability to sniff that out & not fall victim to the "city full of pretenders".
I, speak to your cries It's the reason for life I can't do all black everything in July This is why, I go hard for many peers But I ain't tryna bare my soul to some itchy ears I rep the Lord, try to convey why you need Him closely Y'all more concerned with which girl inspired Nina Mosley I understand, I'm aight with it They never know they're in the dark til the light hits it...
I used the "all black everything" phase as a metaphor for people who mindlessly follow trends. Those who are trapped in the bondages of hip-hop & it's religious culture. I do what I do so you can break away from that; not thinking for yourself is crazy. Hip-hop really had cats wearing all black in the hottest month of the year. Transparency & honesty is something that will effectively combat that, but "I ain't tryna bare my soul to some itchy ears". 2 Timothy 4:3 talks about false teachers who will do whatever they can to water down truth to appease itchy ears. People don't wanna hear truth, they just want something to make them feeeeeel better (St Louis- The Players Club). So I don't say what I say to put a smile on your face, I'd much rather open your eyes. But a good portion of my audience listens with the intent of getting some "juicy gossip" hence "which girl inspired Nina Mosley. Nevermind the mixtape giving you some insight on love, there's no way I could've written all those songs out of the wind right? There had to have been a girl....right? Who is she? Etc etc etc...blah blah blah. But "I understand, I'm aight with it...they never know they're in the dark til the light hits it"...I expect some people to not get it & to think that way, it's the nature of our culture. But they don't even know they're in the wrong...and won't know until "the light" aka Truth, hits them.
I'm not finished...
Son to my father, father to my kiddies Training to run the world while you jogging in the city Pardon, often, I'm bothered by the pity Cuz Armond is getting offers from these sponsors cuz I'm witty
at this time, I was getting interest from a few indy record labels(emphasis on FEW lol)...
Nah, God is with me...He said I got a message for em It's more than music, a record deal is a stepping stone I'ma let em know...but right in the middle of saving the world I get distracted & I check my phone She's been calling a lot lately, less is more Still unlike any woman I've ever met before I question God bout the purpose of our past But that ring on your finger is a circle & a slash And honestly I wonder if it's worth it & I laugh Said she was my 'ride or die', well I'm certain I would crash
After maybe 6-7 years I ran back into an ex of mine who had gotten married. Emotionally the door was still open, so at the time I didn't know what the purpose of us reconnecting was. A distraction? Harmless? No clue. But I knew it wasn't gonna go very far because she was married. Was I flirting, was she cheating? NO...the depth of the relationship was played in my head; if you notice I'm only talking to myself & God this entire time...I haven't even "answered" my phone, I only checked it. Keep reading though...
Watching King of Queens Life is Arthur Spooner Shiny things create Kings from Martin Luther I love you too much, ain't got the heart to shoot you But I gotta kill my past so I can start my future
Arthur Spooner is the funniest TV character of all time. So "life is funny"...shiny things create kings from Martin Luther...material possessions, money, assets, things we place value in will create a "king" from "Martin Luther"...a normal person (Martin Luther King wasn't an extraordinary person...his ideals were, he was simply the person who was used to execute them). Also "Martin Luther" was a priest int he late 1400s who challenged the ideal that freedom from God's punishment of sin could be bought with money & presented the fact that salvation is a free gift of God's grace...funny nearly 700 years later those philosophies are still taught. Though he was excommunicated, his rebellious deeds have "martyred" him...made him a "king". And because those things are more important than the woman of my past, I "ain't have the heart to shoot you...but I gotta kill my past so I can start my future". I can't kill her directly; but since she was directly apart of my past she had to go in order for me to walk into my destiny.
On a whim I asked for 500 followers on twitter. By no means am I a "follow whore". I admit I did Team Followback on a whim & met some of the weirdest, loneliest, most boring people in the history of....uhhhh....ever.
The feed back for The Havilland Savage Theory has blown my expectations away. We reached 3,000 downloads in 9 days with little to no internet support. Meaning, other than Them Fighting Words, Hustle Knockin, the9elements, & DaSouth, this project was pushed purely off "word of mouth". At one point my entire Facebook wall was filled with people posting the mixtape. The response has been humbling & beyond my wildest expectations. Thank you.
So as a result, I've decided to make ALL of my music "name your price". INCLUDING Dreaming Out Loud. So download AWAY!!!!! You're welcome.
I was up until 4am tweaking, re-recording, mixing, tweaking some more, sequencing, leveling, & tweaking some more until I finally got it right. If I didn't have to work, I promise I would've been up til at least 8-9am. But this is perfect.
ALSO, I am trying to raise money to get this, as well as past & future projects pressed up as physical copies. So a donation of whatever you're lead to give would be greatly appreciated.
Finally, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read the attached pdf "The Guide To The Havilland Savage Theory" to get the full spectrum of the project. Of course I'm always open to hearing stories of you applying these philosophies into your own life & how it works. Leave a comment or shoot me an email.
Today, tomorrow, & Tuesday I'm doing three vlogs detailing the 3 Chapters my upcoming mixtape The Havilland Savage Theory is broken down into. 1st chapter: The Pursuit. What does it mean to pursue a relationship & what does it mean to be single???
Yup...tonight HAPPENED!!! It's 9am, I'm in my cubicle fighting sleep but it's worth it (plus it's Friday, i'll sleep in tomorrow). Last night, my boy Wali "Mr Nice Guy" Crowder celebrated the one year anniversary of his weekly Poet's Lounge event normally held at Cup O'Joe's (Easton) with a grand event at Von Jazz, Columbus' #1 spot for urban entertainment. And he invited me to come through & perform. Here's the recap.
Pic I snapped soon as I got there. Tonight was my redemption from nearly 14 months ago...and I made sure I was gonna redeem.
The venue filled up quick!!!!! Pretty soon we were packed like sardines because the venue & the promoters double booked (*shrugs*...happens) but that's a GOOD problem to have. Everybody was packed out to see Eric Roberson & with good reason.
Wali asks me to go on first...I dunno, maybe I'm a good tone setter?? Not sure. But I made sure I would remember this night for-ev-errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (5 pts for movie reference)
Here's the picture I took from the stage
All of the other poets were amazing, Wali definitely brought out the big guns. Erro arrived a little late due to a flight delay, so his show began around 9:30pm. Dude has a GREAT live set, did a go-go inspired version of "Couldn't Hear Me", did a couple medleys, great crowd interaction...SOON as he gets into the middle of his set, it's 10pm.
I had to run outside in the blistering cold & call into the For Tha Hell Of It radio show. FTHOI is a sports podcast done by U'Nikk & Cool Breeze. I had a song I did over the weekend that's totally separare from The Havilland Savage Theory & gave it to them to world premiere. At this point this is the ONLY place you can hear this song, I'm not releasing the CDQ for a minute. Check out the show, I call in around the one hour mark.
The 1st leak from The Havilland Savage Theory (February 9th!!!!) I'm a huge fan of Marsha Ambrosius & Far Away is my favorite song of 2011 (so far) so I already knew I wanted to do something with it. As far as how it fits in the storyline of The Havilland Savage Theory, this is the point of the movie where Lee Plenty begins to realize all the ideas he created in his mind about Havilland are wrong...all wrong. When we love someone, we are blinded by it; all of their faults & shortcomings conceal themselves behind the other person's emotion. Which can either be really good, or REALLY BAD. In this case, it didn't work for Lee, as Havilland wasn't good for him at all. She was manipulative & selfish. My verse is based of his POV once he drops Havilland off after New Years weekend.
